Two weeks in, one week left...

I probably started this blog four times... at some point before sitting down to type, something philosophical was in my mind. I lost it :)

There is so much going on in my mind and heart. Its hard to come to any destination for a set period of time and not have an expectation of change. Of course the ultimate point to a missions trip is to be of service to the community and to the people around you. Yet I am desperate to walk away a different person.

I'm a feelings junkie, I confess. I may want to feel it, but more importantly I want to live it. How do you relay that message to the Holy Spirit? I think if I scream it out the people in the mountains would be very alarmed :) How do you shake off the old and put on the new, how do you beg your Almighty Father to rain down and change you with water and fire? More so, what does it look like? Feel like?

We've read and even talked about the amazing missionaries, pastors and evangelists who walk with such authority in the name of Jesus Christ....are we willing to pay the same price they are/did? Are we willing to serve our Abba with the same time and surrender and it takes to be empty of self and full of Christ to carry that authority?

I think about this often, I pray that I am willing but my actions will be the test. Lord I need so much help becoming the woman of God my heart desires and hungers for. Help me seek your face and not a feeling.

Amazing Long Term Vison...

... Just so you know.. its not my amazing long term vision... :)

I am always moved and encouraged by other peoples 'amazing long term vision' which will now call a.l.t.v.. :) Today I spent several hours on a mountain in Honduras with two missionaries who are so committed to the vision planted in their heart... they planted Mahogany trees. For those of you who dont know...thats a twenty year commitment before you reap a harvest.

Whether or not that is there intention, the land, which they have only occupied for one year, is teeming with more varieties of fruit and vegetables than I can possibly remember. The goal is to be self supported agriculturally. Why?? It gets better.

This young couple are building small houses to house orphans and abandoned children. Infact the UNICEF statistic is approx. 180,000 children are orphans in Honduras ALONE. Apparently this doenst count abandoned. These amazing visionaries have already built a library, two or three livable homes and are on another with plans to house 40 children. They are setting a standard of small groups that a house mother would stay with each one in the home to create a family atmosphere and live

off the land. They have approx. 100 acres.

If you have a heart for children and what to support, read about or even be an intern (being a house mother or more) check them out at www.givehope2kids.org

I have attached a couple photo's but after 250 pictures (no joke) I still couldnt absorb the intensity and beauty of there dream. In one year they have done more than some do in a life time. I pray they always have more help than they need, the kids that need to be there find the way, and the right house mothers or families are connected with Jason & Sarah.

God Bless their a.l.t.v. and for increasing my faith in what God is doing all over the world!

Whats your a.l.t.v.?

Its sure got me thinking about mine :)

Torn up for Christ

For the last couple days our experience in the mountains has revolved around sorting, bed rest (pulled muscle in my back) and more recently the beach near La Ceiba.

Because we are not a group/team trip, our experience in Honduras is not task driven. We do have places to go and visit, but our pace is more about experiencing life on the mountain. Our service to Healing Hands aka.. Martin and Wendy Williams is more personal. Sorting rooms in the clinic, bagging medicines, whatever blesses them, all the while supporting and visiting Heather as she preps for the states.

Yesterday we took a bus into the city and Scott w/Missionary Ventures International came and picked us up. their ministry is based on the beach near Le Ceiba. Teams visit them also to do many of the same things that teams for Healing Hands do, except in different places.

We visited, toured and rested as there second story villa gives you a straight view of the ocean. It was such a place of rest and peace as Mrs. Susan had decorated the walls with scripture and borders in the main hall consisted of all the names of our precious Jesus.

Here is where my heart began to break. Suddenly Im torn up. Dreamless. Vision less. Empty.

A most bizarre feeling as I realize for all the aspirations and dreams of my youth were gone. What did I want to do with my life? Nothing. Where did I want to go? Nowhere.

For all the years Ive spent desiring to be in other countries or being sent out.. Im finally here, sitting in a hammock chair, swinging in the ocean breeze... and I have no desire to do anything. ........... HELLO? What is going on???

So I say to Heather Stewart just how I feel like blank canvas.. and she says..." God must be about to paint something." Thank God for good Godly friends :)

So here I am feeling undefined, directionless, empty. Crying out... Lord have your way in my heart and life.

On a lighter note.. great pics, great experiences, great people. God is forever awesome and His Glory fills the earth... no really.. Im witnessing it :)

Honduras - Official Day 1

Okay .... Today was great! Laid back and amazing to tour three buildings on the HHIM Clinic "campus." We have the awesome task of trying to organize several rooms and getting the clinic ready for there supply containers!

I have a new fantastic friend named Rachel Williams who is the most amazing 13 year old on the planet! Shes a hugger and a hilarious young lady!

We moved boxes, played with machete's (yes.. I said machete's and they were HUGE) and I found a frog eating cat food... and.. he was the size of a small cat..LOL

Lots of rain, fellowship and now... the hammock... anyone who visits will love the hammocks! *note to self... buy one :)*

Im a bit grimy... but man... My Heart is FULL! Check out the pics on DreamBig Missions facebook! Mary Beth being sassy, Heather making faces and .... the giant frog.. Im obsessed with the giant frog :)

Landing in Honduras

My Friends,
I cannot entirely express the amazing beauty of this country. Yesterday we flew from the United States to San Pedro Sulu. It took a connecting flight to arrive, but after land, ocean and amazing clouds.. we arrived. We got tickets for a local air plane and spent our 3 hour layover on the floor of a foreign airport chillin and visiting.

We boarded a small plane by walking out to it and going up the stairs like you see on tv J And twenty amazing mins later (which was a three hour bus trip if we hadn’t opted to fly) we arrived in La Ceiba. Right after we landed and our luggage was unloaded it began to storm ferociously! It was amazingly beautiful! Rain and storming against plush green mountains!

After picking up our luggage we walked out and hugged the neck of our dear friend Heather Stewart! We jumped into a truck and started our one hour trek up the mountain. It slowly turned from light to dark as we climbed a few thousand feet. All I can say… It was amazing!

Empowering moments....

Empowering moment numero dos...

Seeing pictures and stories of other people praying and worshiping God. Gosh it makes my heart weep and hunger at the same time!

Just scanning other missionaries photos and trips and praying and worshipping in public... oh man... just tears come to my eyes. Strangers who know the same truth.... why is that so powerful?

I dont know but it is... and its empowering...risky...beautiful!

Oh God, give me the boldness to love, praise and pray big!

Empowering moments...

Empowering moment numero uno...

Dont you just love overhearing people talking about God? Like in a grocery store and someone is standing talking to a friend or on the phone. Or in a restaurant and the table beside you is talking about His goodness?

It amazes me how encouraging it is to me, or what a smile it puts on my face and yet sometimes when I talk about God in public I find myself being over courteous by being quiet about it.

Satan is such a liar! Here my faith and day is strengthened and brighter by hearing a fellow believer who is a stranger give God glory.... wont I offer the same thing and stop worrying about the people who wont approve?!

God make me bolder that I would be unashamed!

The FruFru Female vs. The Emo Girl

Okay crazy title right? Here is the inspiration,

I was talking to a friend who shared about her unability to connect with women who love fluff, feathers, and glitter. (I personally love these things however I often find a disconnect myself)
We discussed how there is a genre of women who are gentle, meek and so well put together that it seems effortless. In some groups, there is visiting, praying, laughing and a light hearted spirit all around.

Now as this may not be an introspective view of these wonderful women's personalities... something hit me about faces I saw in my head......... they mostly all had two parent homes, a middle class lifestyle as children and maybe their emotional blows where encased in a strong family structure. <--this strong family structure being paramount on future development.

Now.. I picture the people who don't connect with the above mentioned. The more emotional or artistically expressive female. I can personally use myself as an example, although I do not sport tattoos or enjoy death metal (which is an extreme stereotype) I am akward, often uncomfortable and struggle with emotional fullfillment. I grew up in a single parent home, latch key kid at 7 years old and although I did not have siblings to help raise, I knew responsibility early. And although I had a fabulous parent that raised me in church, I knew extremely deep sorrow and emotion before I was 10 years old. Perhaps if my upbringing had been tougher I would have been into death metal, because I was seeped in depression and had suicidal thoughts all throughout my teens. ( I feel like there could be a whole study behind this :)

So.. the point... your family structure and the support system you had or didnt have shaped you in a way you may not have noticed.

To all the bueatiful women who have a deep sense of security and your drawn toward gentle (and sparkly) bueaty, God shaped you to soften the world when it gets to hard.

To all the women who knew responsibility young, struggled through your adolecence and now pause before a hug.... God shaped you to be strong when the world gets to soft.

We were intended to embrace each other and together we are the strongest expressions of Gods Beauty and Love!

Following His Plan is Exciting not Depressing!

This sounds like a statement that should be followed by the words... 'duh.' But I just wanted to take a quick moment to examine something I think many have experienced.

I just received an email from our pastors update on our Kingdom Builders building fund. It was reflective of the last weekends message and Gods excitement for our future. Then that one profound statement... "If you listen closely you can almost hear the excitement in His voice as He tells us about His dream for us." - Pastor Dino Rizzo, after quoting Jeremiah 29:11

Wow... excitement... I never thought of God as excited for me. Have you? I mean really, Have you pictured the almighty as being on the edge of His seat thinking about the plans He has for you? I honestly can say that I did not. And now... I have food to eat.. not just for thought.

My God isnt just telling me that He has good plans for me but He's anticipating them, excited for the amazing things He has for me. And here I am on earth going... "we'll these are my dreams.. but..... Ill do whatever God asks of me," like its a chore and Im hoping that its something I want to do. (knowing that I will love it, but the very challenge and growth does not make me anticipate the journey) All the while my creator, my savior, my inventor, my very own personal dreamer... IS. HE is anticipating my future with excitement.

Wow... just wow.

Do I consider His opinion or am I asking for Direction?

Here's a thought...Am I walking through life asking God his opinion and considering His answer?

Or...

Am I walking In God asking him about life and asking for my directions?

I am afraid my answer is more reflective of the first question. I am asking God what He things instead of what I am suppose to do. It seems easier to ask His opinion than be dependant on waiting... for His answer.

Waiting... Walking not just considering.

Total of 40 lbs!!!

Just an FYI months after I have started medifast... I have lost 40 lbs in 3 1/2 months. yayaya.. thats it :LOL

I LOST 11 LBS!!!! woohoo

Just a little victory dance for the ever so glorious win! I started MediFast last tuesday and my weight in is on Monday's...so I stepped on the scale and got excited!!!

So I will track my journey with a heads up on my success. But losing 11 lbs in a week is great motivation for continuing on this path. Im eating great, I have tons of energy (in comparison to before) and I am encouraged. The same lifestyle as a gastric bypass but without the $15K and hospital time (not to mention the cutting of vital organs :)

I was driving yesterday and thought...'its like getting to live again.' Just think, the first 30 years you are figuring out who you are, and some times you wish you had made different decisions or perhaps what would life been like without this or that, or with this or that. Well, instead of wishing that I had had better health in my youth, the Holy Spirit dropped a way cool thought in my heart. 'If you were healthy then...you wouldnt appreciate it now and you certainly wouldnt be looking forward to the new adventure on the horizon. You would already just be.'

Oh yeah! A 'second life'...reality style.